blah from my life

Just woke up, went out with my dog and saw that there’s snow in the ground.. dafuq. The weather was just becoming okay and there was hope for warmer sunny days. But well the spring will come eventually. Just can’t wait for it :D

My dog is so angry this moring - our neighbours have some guests over who brought their 2 little (don’t know what breed, though) dogs with them. And they just keep barking! And it’s so annoying for me and even more for my dog because she has to bark even louder. Luckily we have music in this world and some earphones so my nerves can survive this day :D

Don’t know what I will do today.. probably just be lazy and cook and watch FoxLife. Feels goooood! Okayyy, you see, my prediction was right - Grey’s Anatomy is on soooo I will run to my TV. Life is good when you are able to appreciate small things. :)

baibaih.

Definately in a better mood today! :) H made sure that I would get infected with her joyful attitude and happy thoughts :D So here I am.

Just came home from school (heeeh, just didn’t go to the last 2 PE classes). Now I’m waiting for a friend of my family to come oveeer. She should be here in half an hour and I’m quite happpy for that because I haven’t seen her for a long time. :)

And oh more happychappy news - I’m planning my little itsybitsy party to celebrate my 19th birthday. Today I talked with all the people I want there and they all agreed to come. Yayyay. Well almost. Can’t reach one person but hopefully I will eventually :D

So yeah. Friday boosted my mood up up up to the sky. :) Happy.

Baih. :)

Don’t know if my nasty feeling comes from the fact that I’m worried or my worrying comes from the nasty feeling. Shit.

I REALLY wonder why the fuck I have to think so much. Why can’t I have a button that just shuts of my brain for a while. I could really use that. Please, someone, invent that button.

Okay okay, enough with the sad thoughts. I know that I worryyy too much and eventually everything is going to be alright :). I just need to get over the.. zero-point  right now and stay true to myself. Fuck, this is not easy. Not easy at all. But I do not want to slip again and I won’t.. oh and again the sad thoughts came in.

I guess that I’m just going through some changes. I do sincerely apologize if all that I sound like is complaining. But it’s just the state that I’m in right now.

Music helps me a lot. Eminem is one of the few artists who I can relate to while listening to his lyrics.. And right now..

Shit it just hit me that what if I would notta made it through?

Wish there wasn’t any pain.
But I can’t pretend there ain’t, I ain’t placin’ any blame,
I ain’t pointin’ fingers, heaven knows I’ve never been a saint.’

Baih. Maybe tomorrow I will be here with happier thoughts :)

Just waiting for the new Jenna Marbles youtube video. I really need something to make me laugh laugh laugh right now. And she is the right woman for the job!

Oh and about the exam - it went pretty well. Well, if I think about that I slept only 3 hours before it, then I was pretty awesome at it! Must be awesome at something when other parts of my life are not so awesome at this moment. But to hell with it!

Had a nice chat with H. She’s a pretty awesome human being (or maybe an alien. dafuq?). And I know that she will read this post, sooooo yeah. Accept the fact that you’re awesome jayjayjayyy (Yeah. I gave up. Ate chocolate. So that’s why!) :D

And now going to watch uber-mainstream serials. But atleast it gets my thoughts away from some issues. 

All in all, life is still a flower. Perhaps made of chocolate.

baibaih

So this post is going to be rather personal. Maybe boring to some of you, but I need to get it out of me.

I try not to think about things that upset me too much and try to isolate myself from situations and people that make me feel sick to my stomach or just plain nervous (in a bad way). It has not been easy for me to learn how to do this because for years I was a person who cared about everything and everyone and tried to solve everyones problems. I cared to the point where I did not have time for dealing with my own problems because I was so damn consumed in other people problems. Did not realise that this is one of the worst things that a person can do to himself/herself for a long time. But now I do.

I had a huge fight caused by me trying to help a friend I really cherished and cared for. And now we don’t talk anymore. Maybe we never will, I don’t know.. And I don’t know if I would want to after everything we said to eachother. At first I was so damn angry but now it’s just sad. It’s just sad. But maybe it’s for the best if we fight all the time anyway. And it’s definately a message for me that sometimes people just grow so much apart that there is not one thing that can fix it. No matter how hard you try. Some things are better left the way they are. And just let go.

The stupid thing is that I’m now trying to study for my english exam. The test-exam (don’t even know if it’s the right word for it :D) will already take place tomorrow. So I try to study, but all I can think about is why our lives go the way they go. Probably overthinking again, but whatever. 

Hopefully I can get to bed on a normal time tonight. I better sleep like a baby.. because tomorrow I have to be fierce! :)

So the first day of our last term is over! Can’t believe that we only have .. (thinking :D) 5 weeks left until the end. whew whew.. I have so many bittersweet emotions when I start to think about all of these years and what has happened. And what shit and also great stuff we have went through with my class.. Today was a awesome schoolday (a real rarity, isn’t it?) because we all had fun. yayy. Sometimes it’s just sooo nice to laugh over stupid stuff with and talk about random ideas and thoughts :D. 

But one thing that really got my brain into thinking ‘the f is this?’ was the mess around our estonian (tryout?) exams.. I was so shocked about the way our papers were assessed. And I’m pretty nervous about the fact that our teacher will be one of the evaluaters of the real exam.. it should be a good thing but it’s not. Because apparently she is a really strict when it comes to our work -.- But whatever, we will manage. Somehow.

And there was one more thing really nice - our psychology class. We did some tests today and I got the assurance that I’m going the right way in my studies.. I have thought about studying social work and the test results only assured that it’s probably the best choice for me.

And oooh it’s so good to come home after 8 hours in school, eat something good and just sleep for a few hours. So good to be calm and relaxed :)

byebye. 

This day was one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time.. In my previous post I mentioned that I will go driving again and .. well it was a complete disaster :D. Yeah, right now I can talk about it normally, but when I was literally crying like a mad woman in the traffic not able to do anything.. not funny at all. I was crying and driving and in the end I didn’t see anything through my tears. It was so horrible. Luckily I didn’t kill anyone while crying & driving at the same time and I didn’t stop and run out of the car :D. After the lesson I swore that I will stop with my driving school stuff for a while but now I feel better.. and God, I can’t just give up like that. It’s like 1 time out of 10 is a disaster and I think about quitting.. no. I will have to get my license in the end. And I will. Even if it takes all of my time and money!

So after my driving lesson when I came home I felt like shit. Ate some cereal and yogurt. It always makes me feel better in a strange way :D. 

I recently had to buy a new computer because my old one stopped working.. I didn’t have anything useful to do this evening so I decided that I will try if it works now :D And it did! After staying in my drawer for a month in now works perfectly -.- But well, now my mom and me both have our own personal computers.. so it all worked out good after all :D

Now I’m going to watch 2 latest desperate housewives episodes.. can’t wait. And oh I’m so sad that it’s DHs last season. So sad :(

byeh :)

Ohhhh dear God.. why does the time pass so quickly? :D The spring break is almost over and on Monday I’ll have to go to school again.. yay -.- Whew, luckily I did some important stuff with my vacation - went back to drive after a month and kicked some ass! Well almost.. :D Today I’ll go driving again and hopefully (really crossing fingers) I will be done with the driving school by the end of April. I would be extremely happy if I could manage! :D

I had a nasty experience with my dentist today -.- Don’t even wanna talk about it, but luckily I don’t have to visit my doctor in a while now. Maybe next year. So it’s okay. 

And agaaaaaiiiiin it’s 2:30 AM and I’m sewing and talking with friends on FB.. and not sleeping. Tomorrow I’m going to have to go on summertime and then my brain will be even more confused. I really need to get my sleeptime normal again.. Maybe it will go back to normal after school begins.

Oh God. It’s almost midnight and I got home from a public discussion about hour ago..  And I’m still a bit shocked. The discussion was about our high schools future and let’s just say.. it got pretty nasty. People were accusing eachother to the point where I just felt completely ashamed to hear all that nonsense some people were saying. It was just unbelievable!

But I got some good news today also - in April, there is a three-day meeting of estonian student councils in Tartu. I just registrated today and hopefully I will have soooo much fun there. Can’t wait! :)

I’m just soo tired.. I woke up 3 PM (I really need to start waking up at normal times :D) but it feels like it was 5 AM. Sooooo tired! Hopefully there’s something good on TV or maybe I will read my book.. and then just go to sleep. 

sleep tight. :)

I had a .. eeh. weird day today.. I woke up about 1 PM and still felt so tired after 10+ hours of sleep. Don’t really understand why, but hopefully I will get my energy back. 

Today is my dogs birthday - yayy :D hah. She’s 8 now, wow.. the time passes quickly. I still remember when she was just a little puppy. As a gift (yeah, I know!! :D) I got her some dog chocolate from pet store. :D At first I was a bit sceptical about it but after seeing how crazy she was about it my suspicions faded away. Anything to keep my loved ones happy. Even if they’re pets :D

After that I went out with K and we had a rather interesting conversation. It made me think about life and what really matters. And.. well yeah it made me realise how lucky I am to have wonderful people in my life. I’m grateful.

Now I’m eating someeee homemade blackcurrant-raisin-plum cupcakes. yummy :) make some for yourself as well. they taste like h-e-a-v-e-n! :)

So basically.. it’s 1:53 AM and I decided that now it’s the perfect time to start with my little tumblr blog. Nice timing, eh? Now I’m stuck with making it look okay and I probably won’t get to bed before I’m happy with it… Life of a half-perfectionist is not easy! :D

But I guess it’s alright because it’s weekend and more importantly - spring break! Wohoo! No school for a week! I will sleep myself out of stress and hopefully I will get my motivation higher than ever. It would be useful. And if not, then some good music and books always help!

I’m currently reading a book from an estonian author Merit Raju (“Leia oma tee”). It’s about finding your (work)path in life and making right decisions.. So if you’re stuck in your life or have problems deciding what do to next - this is the book for you (IDK though if it has been translated to other languages :O so maybe this recommendation is useless… but whatever :D).

Be happy! :)